*Life is in the journey!* ~ Three Pines in a Sunbeam

 ♥

Life's Inspirational Valiant Endeavors

~ Three Pines in a Sunbeam ~

 Dad’s Colorado
1946 ~ 2012

For several months now I've been pretty quiet here in this space; not knowing how to speak of Life's Inspirational Valiant Endeavors. Not a clue where to begin. And so I've done simply what my spirit and my body have encouraged me to do... Just be. We go about the business of living caring for our children, our homes, our careers, ourselves. And when change happens, we adjust. Well, hopefully we adjust. Our only other option is to wither away... and that is not living.

This past October my childhood fantasies brutally clashed with reality. In one surreal moment, I learned that my dad had taken his own life. There would be no last great rumble with a man-eating bear in the wilds of Alaska, nor would the ocean swallow him up and spit him out onto a tropical island somewhere to live out his days as a castaway, an adventurer, a man among men.That was my dad, after all... Robinson Crusoe. Bigger than life! As a kid, the myth was just easier to live with. Reality was too... well, too real. 

The reality was my father suffered his entire life with, what I believe was, undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder. As anyone who's lived with a family member who has this disease knows ~ If one suffers, all suffer. I don't know firsthand how medication or therapy might have worked for my dad. Though he absolutely knew he was suffering from severe depression throughout his life, he refused to acknowledge that he had a problem he couldn't fix on his own. His life choice tore apart, piece by piece, what he might have held onto with those he loved; and ultimately even the relationship with his children. I loved my dad dearly, but if I've learned anything from my experience it is that misery loves company, and to save a drowning victim you lend a hand, most certainly your pride... but not your life by jumping into deep water after them, no matter how desperately one wishes to do so. My own happiness rode on my discovery that I am worth more than that. 

My dad was life in fast forward; always searching for that one thing that would make him feel more alive and less alone with his own thoughts. His journey was ripe with enthusiasm, adventure, a passion for spirituality, and... an overwhelming fear of loneliness and boredom. Though painful at times, I am incredibly thankful for the love he was willing to share with me. There are some lessons in this life, whether we think we needed them or not, that are simply too precious to ignore. 

I joined my brother on a mountaintop in Colorado just before Christmas to spread our dad's ashes among three pines in a sunbeam. Saying good-bye wasn't the hardest part for me. It was heading back down that mountain. That last step in the grieving process doesn't come easy. I guess that's where I am now... trying to find acceptance. Let me just say, it sucks. Everything is not alright. Opportunity is missing. But I know from experience that that too will change. I no longer have the luxury of debating whether or not I should try again with my dad. What's done is done. The question I ask myself now is, Was I true to myself, as only I can be?  And that my friends is a path we must all eventually take. 

*Don't give up on yourself*

"In the path of our happiness 
shall we find the learning for which we have chosen this lifetime." 
~ Richard Bach, Illusions

Love My Friends

... and happy learning!

“The best way out is always through.”

~ Robert Frost

Summer's End

♥

Life's Inspirational Valiant Endeavors

~ Summer's End ~

"We carry within us all the wonders we seek without."  ~ Sir Thomas Browne

  

Summer's end always sets me on a familiar path; tender shoots of late summer grass beneath my feet, sunlight that plays on my face and warms my toes, cool breezes dancing through the trees, fire smoke on the air, and the promise of time to come shared with friends and family. Already well acquainted with autumn's glory, though having grown unaccustomed these last miserably hot months spent indoors; still the question is raised in my mind... am I living a meaningful life? If I am to believe 'to everything there is a season' then why do I always find myself contemplating my failures, rather than applauding my successes?

I, in fact, did plant my garden this summer... only to stand by, feeling incredibly lazy in my helplessness, as the fruits of my labor shriveled in the harshest drought these parts have seen in a long time. (Fail.) 

I did weep over my losses, and mourned as long as mourning was acceptable in the normal order of things. (Success?)

 I did refrain from smothering embracing my children when my needs exceeded their own. (No wait. I got this one. Suc-cess!... *High fives everyone.* I think.)

I do did, I occasionally, inflict self-loathing onto my sometimes delicate voracious psyche. 

(I suck.)

And I did, in fact, not speak when I should have cried out from the top of a mountain. I may have taken some liberties with this one a bit. Though still true. (Complete and utter failure.) 

I suppose one could argue (me) that I did, in theory, succeed at something. I did contemplate my failures, while at the same time basking in my success(es)... that I had, at the very least, truly contemplated my failures. So there's that.

"A time for every purpose under the sun" right? Perhaps the answer, interwoven deep within these failures of mine, is where I will triumph at last. At the moment, I think I may have forgotten what I have failed and or succeeded in to begin with. So the point is moot.

***

To everything there is a season,

a time for every purpose under the sun.

A time to be born and a time to die;

a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

a time to kill and a time to heal...

a time to weep and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn and a time to dance...

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to lose and a time to seek;

a time to rend and a time to sew;

a time to keep silent and a time to speak;

a time to love and a time to hate;

a time for war and a time for peace.

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ~

 ***

A meaningful life? 

Ahhh, September! 

How do I love thee? 

Let me count the ways.

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time. ~John Lubbock

  ***

On a good day, a day like any other, a day when searching for and accepting balance into my life is my heart and mind's sole purpose; I suppose that is a day lived in the pursuit of meaning. That is a day when love and wisdom take charge, watching over my successes and correcting my failures. And that is more than 'good enough'. That is a force for good. Though it always helps to be reminded, every once in a while. We learn through repetition, after all. And it all started...

Well, very close to kindergarten.

"All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten"

~ Uncommon Thoughts on Common Things ~ 

By Robert Fulghum

"All I Really Need To Know about how to live and what to do and how to be 

I learned in kindergarten. 

Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, 

but there in the sandpile at Sunday School. These are the things I learned:

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don't hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life ~

...learn some and think some

and draw and paint and sing and dance and play

and work every day some.

Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out into the world,

watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.

Be aware of wonder.

Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup:

The roots go down and the plant goes up

and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice

and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup ~ they all die.

So do we.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books

and the first word you learned ~

the biggest word of all...

LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. 

The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. 

Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

And it is still true,

no matter how old you are ~

when you go out into the world,

it is best to hold hands and stick together."

Love My Friends

... and happy learning!

“The best way out is always through.”

~ Robert Frost

 

Speak

... and you will be heard.

For my friend.

Love! and Peace.

Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI
Part VII
Part VIII
Part IX
Part X

~ Sexual Assault Awareness Month ~

*Life is in the journey!* ~ A Dream Is A Wish!

 

♥

Life's Inspirational Valiant Endeavors

~ A Dream Is A Wish! ~

 

 

Thanks for the wish come true, Babe!

Some luck lies

in not getting what you thought you wanted

but getting what you have,

which once you have got it

you may be smart enough to see

is what you would have wanted

had you known.

~ Garrison Keillor ~

When I was young I spent hours sitting in the clover. Soft, cool grass pricked the underside of my bare legs and tickled the tops of my feet, while I searched through a small green patch for four leaves, not three. A journal lay beside me; its pages opened in the shade of our maple tree to neatly pressed rows of little green wishes. Luck seemed to be just a bit too chancy for my tastes. Wishes, on the other hand, well they were perfectly attainable as long as I believed in them.

Four-leaf clovers, shooting stars, eyelashes and wishbones; a full moon, dandelion puffs or pennies in a fountain. Perhaps it's not the totem you choose, after all, that heeds your wishes and answers your prayers. I believe the magic we are searching for is of our own making, even in times of darkness and despair... Especially in times of darkness and despair. When good fortune seems to skip right over your head, without so much as a "duck, duck, goose", and your wishes leave you feeling a bit like Cinderella's ugly step-sister... perhaps it's time to get busy with a little spring cleaning. Clear out the cobwebs. Open a few windows. Sing a gay little song out loud for all of the forest animals (and the neighbors) to enjoy! After all... a dream truly is a wish your heart makes. Why not dream big!

Listen to your intuition. 

Open your eyes, and your mind, and your heart to possibility. 

ACCEPT responsibility, 

IMAGINE good fortune and...

EXPECT happiness. 

The secret to Life is no secret. 

It is simply to SHOW UP.

 Where luck is random,

and lacking ambition;

a WISH,

made in earnest...

is fearless,

resolute,

and undeniably

of your own making.

The world is a big place, ripe with compassion, charity, and good will; as it is also with anger, greed and general discontent. And though it is, oftentimes, a very scary place to try to live and grow and prosper, our wishes be damned, it is all we have for now. Despite the capacity for resiliency and beauty residing inside each of us, we humans tend to cling desperately to those attitudes and beliefs which we've convinced ourselves to be safe havens, forgetting that it is this very determination that sets us apart from the vegetables. No offense to carrots and broccoli and Brussels sprouts! (Well, maybe to Brussels sprouts.)

It has been almost six months since my return to this blogging community ~ a world in and of itself, dedicated to searching for the answers to Life's most difficult questions in the name of Peace. In that time, I have been introduced to so many beautifully creative, funny, talented and loving spirits. It may be only a small piece of the pie, but it is abundant with fresh perspectives, clean sparkling ideas and enough optimism for us all to turn over a new leaf. And if that leaf happens to be of the four-leaf variety, then let us close our eyes and make a wish... quickly now; for as much as wishes never run out, and never expire, they do have a tendency to wilt when our imagination is out of focus. 

There are really so many of these individuals who open up a space for me, and others, to share in their dreams and wishes, and fears and insecurities ~ mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters ~ Life's students of all ages really, who want simply to be happy and to always follow a path of Peace. All of them wishing. All of them taking charge of their dreams. Stop in and say, Hi. You won't regret it.

♥ 

 My Friends

Catherine@ Catherine Denton

Em@ 35 Jupiter Drive

Intricate Knot@ My Blog & Role Fantasy

Mark@ Aloha! Mark Koopmans says hi from HI

*(4-leaf clover photo: Rick Stokes)

Peace My Friends!

“The best way out is always through.”

~ Robert Frost

*Life is in the journey!* ~ Happiness

♥

  Life's Inspirational Valiant Endeavors

~ Happiness ~

I'm not sure when, exactly, it happened. Somewhere along the way reality and practicality replaced my childhood dreams and fantasies. When I was young dreaming came easy. Mine was a long list, waxing and waning with my every childish whim. There was always time for dreams. There were no preconceptions of who would hand over the rent, feed the kids, or take care of me when I grew old. Growing *that* old was never part of the dream. It was a simpler time then. I would be indefinitely frozen, most likely in a twenty-something year old's body, and never wanting for anything. 

I liked wrapping my stuffed animal's heads and legs and tails in gauze, pretending they were sick. I wanted a horse of my own to know freedom. I hurt when we had to give away our farm dog because we lived in an apartment, and when our cat grew sick with cancer. I wanted to save all animals who were sick, or lonely like me. I would be a vet.

I was entranced by what lurked beneath the waves of the ocean and what peace lay hidden in its darkest depths. I longed for adventure on the Serengeti plains. I could wear khakis, and spend my days in the dirt with a toothbrush unearthing dinosaur bones and Egyptian tombs in the desert. I wanted to save something; even if it was just our history. I would be an oceanographer or a game warden or an archeologist. 

I wished I could ease the pain of others. Those wounds that often go unnoticed on children's faces, in their eyes, on their hearts. The heartbreaking, soul-jarring pain that we all carry through life, but sometimes... just sometimes we can't seem to let go of. I wanted to save those who were having trouble saving themselves. I would be a counselor.

I wanted to share all of my dreams, my fears, and my realities through stories. Because everyone can relate to a good story, and EVERYONE knows what it means to long for adventure. Words helped to raise my voice. They became my friends. I wanted to teach others that we are limited in our dreams, only by our imagination, so... I would be a writer.

I found my way, eventually. Though my dreams took me to places, honestly, where I never thought they would. I never did make it to vet school, or to the bottom of the ocean, or to the Serengeti. And I can't say that I've ever set up my own psychiatry booth on the side of the road. But somehow, and I can't say when, I found Happiness anyway.

Charles M. Schulz

Today, I'm thinking less about my dreams and more about our kids' dreams. So much for never growing *that* old. What do *they* want to be when they grow up? And when, if it hasn't already happened, will they begin to trade in their dreams and fantasies for reality and practicalities? Our oldest child graduates from high school this spring. He's off to save the world... or conquer it. And all I can think is... I hope he knows Happiness wherever he goes. Whether he falls into it or hunts it down with every breath in his body and soul, I hope he is Happy.

I believe in Happy. 

 Be Happy My Friends!

"The best way out is always through."

~ Robert Frost

*Life is in the journey!* ~ If I Were Brave

♥

  Life's Inspirational Valiant Endeavors

~ If I Were Brave ~

I was brave once.

I spoke my mind,

stood up to bullies

and loved with all my heart.

I was brave once.

I lost those dear,

but kept them close.

I was brave once.

I asked, “How are you?”

and then

waited for an answer.

I was brave once.

I stood up and said,

“I do dare. I do.”

I was brave once.

I believed in truth,

I believed in hope,

I believed in integrity.

I chose ‘right’ over ‘easy’.

I was brave once.

I believed…

in the power of my voice,

the power of my words,

and the power of choice.

I was brave once.

I claimed responsibility,

and opened my heart to forgiveness.

If I were brave,

I would do it all over again...

in a heartbeat.

If I were brave.

***

“It takes courage to grow up

and become who you really are.”

~ e. e. cummings

 Courage is not the absence of fear.

It is action in its presence.

  Be Brave My Friends!

"The best way out is always through."

~ Robert Frost